So I've been in this funk for a few weeks now, and don't know when it will pass. Just a lot going on, a lot on my mind, a lot weighing me down, keeping me anxious and off-kilter a bit...

Just a little while ago, I made what may be a huge mistake. Well, huge in my own mind. I stepped on the scale for the first time in five years. I don't know what prompted this. Even as I was doing it, fully clothed no less, I thought to myself, "Self, this might not be such a great idea." Because as you know, I've been losing weight. Heck, I can get into my skinniest jeans without having to lie down on the bed to zip them up and am close to being able to wear them out in public without embarrassing myself with muffin top and visible panty lines... So perhaps I was feeling unduly empowered by this fact. I almost half-thought to myself, "Self, you may be getting closer to that weight that you want to be than you thought you were." I was feeling pretty darn good, really.

So, onto the scale I stepped. First of all, I should not have stepped onto the scale with blue jeans on, right? Those have to weigh at least a pound, right? (Okay, maybe not, but I'm trying to make myself feel better here!) My t-shirt isn't heavy and neither are my socks or undergarments, but those jeans have to make me able to take a pound off at least, right? (Ha, I just weighed my jeans, which are heavier fabric, on my postal scale and they weighed almost 2 pounds... )

Well, let's just say that I'm still a good 20 pounds from my lightest weight based on what the scale told me and subtracting a pound or two for clothes. What had me utterly and completely perplexed is how it's possible to almost fit into my skinniest jeans and still be that far from my goal? I pondered this inconsistency as I clomped back downstairs, feeling the need to blog and unload a bit... When suddenly it hit me... my skinniest jeans were actually BIG on me at one point. I was quite close to being, if not already, a size smaller than that, I think.

By my best guesstimate, I've probably lost about 20 pounds already, possibly 25, just based on the difference in how my clothes fit. Which means I, at my heaviest, weighed a lot more than I thought I did because I weigh a lot more now than I expected to... OY! No wonder I stayed away from the scale for five years! And it's not like I ever got THAT huge... I just got uncomfortable in my own skin and knew it was time to do something about it, you know?

I guess I thought I was doing so well because I've gotten a number of comments recently from people who hadn't seen me in a while telling me it was really obvious I'd lost weight. My mother-in-law, who hadn't seen me since Christmas, noticed immediately and complimented me on it. This past weekend, I went into the guest room closet, pulled out all of the spring and summer clothes that haven't fit me for about four years, and tried them all on. Virtually everything fit... some of it was too big (stuff I couldn't quite squeeze into as I started losing weight last summer) and I had to put those things away again! Only three pairs of capris didn't fit me because they were small, but I wasn't expecting them to yet anyway.

I'm starting to feel like I am looking good. I'm happy with what I see in the mirror, but still want to lose a bit more. But to have the scale tell me what it did was such a downer. I'm wondering if I was too thin before I started gaining weight, because another 20 pounds to go seems like I'd be just skinnier than a toothpick. I don't know what to think anymore.

Feeling lumpier than I thought I was, frankly. Not a good place to be, mentally-speaking.

So the lovely and talented Becky tagged me to list seven random, unusual facts about myself, and who am I not to play along?

1) I can recite all of the dialogue and all of the lyrics to the movie "The Music Man." So can my brother. To the annoyance of those around us.

2) I was in the color guard in high school and I can still twirl a flag quite well all these years later.

3) I never go barefoot around the house. I always wear socks.

4) I wanted to marry Simon LeBon of Duran Duran when I was 15.

5) I often find myself quietly clicking my teeth together while I'm working on the computer.

6) I consider myself mostly a vegetarian, but I do eat ham and bacon.

7) I used to play the clarinet in grade school and middle school.

Now I have to tag seven people... I will tag....

Melissa
Melinda
Jessica
Cathy
Michelle
Erin
Robyn

And I have to go leave comments for all of them now so they know I tagged them!

You know, I'm a pretty private person. Yeah, I know, I'm sure this comment caused a chuckle or guffaw of disbelief among those of you who just read it. Crazy. Me, private? I'm sure your next thought was, "Well, then why are you blogging, you freak?" Yeah, confuses the crap out of me too, really. I was just sitting here, feeling like blogging, yet feeling simultaneously like I had nothing to say or having a ton to say that I would never share in a public forum. And I... I don't know... I wonder sometimes why I blog. Sometimes the things I want to babble about are so personal that I haven't told anybody about them.

It's times like that that I wish I had a gorgeous journal that I scribbled my innermost thoughts in each night. But I don't have one. I've never been a journal person, which is quite odd, given my love of writing. I wish now that I had kept one over the years.

So I'm left with lots to say, but no place to say it. At least not here. Not being secretive in the least. Just not things I'm cool with putting out there on the worldwide web. And so I sit here, with so much, but nothing, to say.

Private person who is a blogger. See? I told you - it's a dichotomy.

I title my post that way simply because I realized I feel like blogging and I have nothing to say. So my fear, and a very real one it is, my pretties, is that this post will, well, suck. Because I have nothing to say. I'm sure you see where I'm going with this.

I have cookies baking as I type. They are for a crop I'm attending tomorrow with my pals Melissa and Robin. Prior to said crop, we are going to the Memories Expo to walk around, look at stuff, and possibly acquire more things for our respective craft stashes. I'm going with minimal cash on purpose so I don't spend much. Smart, eh? I thought so. I am looking forward to an afternoon and evening of chit-chat, scrapping, and just hanging out with some fun people. And there will be food. The aforementioned cookies, plus I got all kinds of bad-for-us-yet-oh-so-tasty snacks, such as Cheetos and M'n'M's. Melissa is going to make pasta for dinner. I think my diet is going to be severely blown tomorrow, but you have to do that on occasion, I think.

So I got to meet my friend Jenn's month-old baby, Samantha, and she is just the cutest thing ever! I forgot my camera, so I have no photos to share. But she is simply adorable and I was reminded yet again how thoroughly entertaining babies are. Good times, good times.

So my good pal Cathy has her Crowded House show this Sunday, and I'm alternating between vast excitement over hearing about her adventure and extreme jealousy because she is going to see them. Yeah, I know, that is completely stupid (the jealousy part), because, really, I saw them THREE TIMES last week. I should be happy. That should be enough, right? What can I say -- I'm greedy when it comes to live shows by my favorite bands. I want to see them a lot. There is nothing better than a great concert (well, okay, maybe there are a few things better, but you get my drift).

I already got reports back from pals of mine on the DC and Boston shows, and it was great fun reading about the experiences. DC feedback came from someone I befriended recently when I posted a comment on her blog (fellow paper crafter and Neil fan) named Jenn, and the Boston report was filed by my pal who is a writer at the daily paper there (met her through work and we bonded over Neil). So, needless to say, I anxiously await Cathy's email on Monday with her feedback on the show. Actually, she commented about being excited about my reports on last week's shows here in the middle of her vlog. Hearing my name mentioned made me smile, and I actually laughed out loud when I saw her pull out the totebag I had Neil sign for her.

Well, that's all that's new here. I'm off to check on the cookies and do some editing on my books. Yes, I'm working on both of them... Happy Weekend to you and to you a good evening (or other day part, depending on when you read this...).

You know, I had the best intentions of posting on here last week. But Mike was kind enough to share his cold germs with me, and I came down with a doozy of a head cold. Still fighting it off this week, although my voice is slowly coming back. What is it about the warmer weather that makes being sick that much worse?

Before I wax poetic about my recent concert-going, I wanted to answer two reader questions:

1) Sharon asked about one of the Facebook photos that appeared in the left column here... She was wondering if I'm as tall as I am, how tall is Mike, because he was a LOT taller than me in that particular photo. Well, Sharon, I was sitting down in that photo, as you thought I might be. Mike is 5'8" and I'm 6'2". So I'm pretty much always taller than Mike unless I'm seated or on a lower step than he is.

2) Also from Sharon (inquisitive she is!), she was wondering about the changes I made to my eating to lose weight. Well, last summer, I cut out real Coke entirely. I now drink Diet or Coke Zero in order to get my caffeine fix. I stopped snacking almost entirely and only eat at meals. I limit dessert to a few times a week and not all of the time like I used to. And I cut my portion sizes a bit. Beyond that, I have nothing specific that I did. I exercise a little bit more, but mostly just tweaked my eating habits. I've never been one for formalized diets -- I don't like being told that I can't have something -- it makes me want it more. I find that I do best if I make a change to my eating in ways that will continue and not just be temporary fixes. I think this is why I've continued to lose weight without even really trying to do so over the past three to four months. I would still like to lose a bit more, but I'm almost back down to my skinniest jeans, which is pretty amazing, really. I try not to deny myself things that I like -- I just eat a lot less of them overall.

Most importantly, I had to get to a place where I was ready to do all of this. My mindset had to be right. I couldn't just do it half-heartedly, and when I was ready, I was ready. It's as simple as that. I could have lost the weight a lot faster if I'd gotten all crazy about it, but I think losing it slowly and adopting new habits going forward is a much healthier way to do it.

So last week, before I got really sick with this cold of mine, I went to a few shows by a band you've heard me talk about on more than one occasion here: Crowded House. Yes, I was one (and not the only one, I might add -- I recognized some of the same people each night in the audience) who went to all three shows. It was great fun, most especially because we got to hear NEW MUSIC that they are working through for a forthcoming album. I love being privy to the creative process, and hearing how these songs will develop will be fascinating to me. Will they remain much as I heard them, or will they change drastically? Won't know for a while yet... I will say that I really did love the new stuff I heard, and there is the makings of an amazing album among them, I feel. Here's a brief recap... a bit late...

MONDAY NIGHT - A.K.A. The Sauna...

So Monday night, Mike and I met a friend of ours at the show, who was there with a friend of his. This worked out well as they had already staked a claim on a spot to stand, so we could join them there. About five rows back from the stage. All three shows were opened by a Kiwi named Don McGlashan, who used to be a member of a band that I saw on tour with The Tragically Hip before called The Mutton Birds. He played a handful of lovely songs, just him, an acoustic guitar, and sometimes a euphonium (looks like a mini tuba), an odd choice for rock music, to be sure, but it made for some lovely sounds on stage.

The Crowded House set was awesome, until about halfway through when I started to feel really icky from the heat generated by the packed-in audience. I tapped Mike on the shoulder and told him I had to walk out. I think he realized as soon as I said that I had to get out of there how lousy I was feeling -- it's not like I would willingly give up my close-to-the-front spot without a really good reason. Well, considering I felt like I was either going to pass out or be sick, I figured I needed some air. We went down to the lobby and Mike got me some water. As soon as I cooled off, I felt better. We stood in the back of the venue, where it was much cooler, for the rest of the show. Neil (yes, as in Finn) asked for requests, and people were throwing paper onstage with the songs they wanted to hear scribbled on it. Alas, being way in the back, there was no way I could take part in that. No huge surprises on the set list that night.

TUESDAY NIGHT - A.K.A. Krista almost falls over again, but not from the heat...

The front seemed slightly less crowded, and I was determined (and wearing fewer layers!) to stay up front through the whole set. Mike and I got water before we found a place to stand, and we basically planted ourselves in what could be considered approximately the third row for the duration. Completely different set list than the first night, a more relaxed band, and I wasn't overcome by the heat, so it was overall a much better show for those reasons. And when they played "Love You Till The Day I Die," well, I almost did fall over from pure happiness. Don't think I've heard that song live in years and years and years... So very, very good.

WEDNESDAY NIGHT - A.K.A. The Kids Are Alright...

Got there early as I knew there was going to be a special guest, only to find the doors weren't even opening until 8 p.m. So we had to stand out front for a half hour. Ugh. Hate when that happens! We managed to get a spot in almost the exact same place we'd been the night before, so we were close to the front.

After the stage was prepped, Neil came bounding out alone, and the room erupted. He introduced the "special gusest" - the PS22 Chorus (from Staten Island) – a big group of 5th graders and their choir director. He explained how a friend had sent him a link to their performance of a CH song online and how it had touched and amazed him, so he invited them to perform for us that evening. The place went BALLISTIC. Seriously insane. So the choir comes out and lines up – probably close to 60 kids... maybe more (didn’t count them). They sang two songs, then broke out their version of Crowded House's “Private Universe.” I could see some of the band standing side-stage – Matt was in my line of sight and the smiles on his face were PRICELESS. Just absolutely priceless. The crowd went nuts for the kids. I had chills the entire time!! Then the band came out and did “Throw Your Arms Around Me” with them. The band and the choir were feeding off of each other and it was just joyous to behold. And then the band did “Private Universe” with them. Just... I can’t describe how amazing it was to watch. It was like a room full of smiles... everyone was beaming – the crowd, the band, the chorus. SO COOL! Here's a link to some video I shot of it:

And here's a still photo I took (didn't zoom, so you can see I really was standing very close to the front):

Then the choir left the stage and the band broke into their own set. Overall, it was tighter than the previous two nights. And, maybe it was the choir kicking things off, but the mood the entire evening was buoyant and celebratory and AMAZING. Like at one point, I felt like I was just part of this amazingly awesome musical experience. So hard to explain. There were several wonderful music surprises: She Goes On, Catherine Wheels, and Fingers of Love. Some guy from the audience who sang with them at one of the shows last year joined them onstage and played guitar and sang on Better Be Home Soon. He was actually quite good. Just some random fan who asked to come up.

I had written my request in advance and had Mike throw it on stage for me (Love This Life) and it landed right near Neil’s guitar pedals as they came back out for the first encore. He never picked it up, but he kept stepping on it as he played. There were about 10 of us up front calling for Love This Life and at one point, Neil goes, “You guys keep asking for the hard ones!” I said to Mike later, “How hard is that song?” I think that was shorthand for, “Gee, don’t remember the lyrics...” Oh well, it didn’t really matter. I was still on cloud nine the entire show.

They played almost a full half hour longer than the other two nights – partly because they went on early with the choir and partly because they just played longer at the end. And as we walked out, everyone was handed a collectible poster for the 3-night stand, which I’m totally framing for my office wall.

Good, good, good stuff.

Saturday night, while in the throes of my rotten cold, Mike and I went to see Bryan Adams do an acoustic set at a concert hall in the city. The only reason I could justify going while sick was because I knew I'd be able to sit through the whole show, and indeed I did. He played lots of hits, plus some stuff from his album which comes out later this month. Really enjoyed hearing his stuff all stripped down -- just him and an acoustic guitar. At the heart of it, he's actually quite a good songwriter, which I think can get lost sometimes in the '80s production. The bare bones set-up really did showcase his songwriting very nicely.