My mom asked me on the phone yesterday if I had done anything crafty or any designing lately. And I told her that I hadn't. And then I went on to tell her that I was okay with that.

So after we got off the phone, I started thinking about it more. Being okay with not doing anything lately. I think I got a bit burned out with my design schedule the past few years, and I just need to take a little break, really. But the Type A Personality side of me kept kicking me in the head and telling me that I need to do stuff. Design stuff. Create stuff.

To be honest, I like it better when the Design Muse does that. Gets me going and doing because I want to. Not because I feel I have to. Not because I have to fill every moment of every day with work. But because my mojo is flowing and I WANT to.

It's been hard to get to the "it's okay" point. I've been having a lot of guilt feelings for sitting on the couch in the evening and taking some "me" time... watching TV, reading books or magazines, doing a Sudoku puzzle or five. Yes, I've been doing those things when I would normally be chained to my laptop, and it has felt gloriously wonderful. But gloriously wonderful with an asterisk, because there was a lot of guilt I was putting on myself too. I felt like I should be designing (read: working). Because that was the rut I'd gotten into over the past three years. So if I was doing something besides that, well, I should feel guilty, shouldn't I? So I did. Workaholic much?

But lately, say in the past week or two, I've lost the guilt. I've shed it like an old skin I no longer need. I've been okay with, even comfortable with, enjoying my evenings and weekends however I want to spend them. And, really, isn't that the way it should be? I spend enough of my day doing work!

So I'll design again when I feel like it. I know I will. But in the meantime, the guilt-free "me" time is really delicious. I needed this more than I realized. And I'm finally able to enjoy it: sans guilt. Hooray!